Ever wondered how some people can strut through life, looking completely confident and assured in themselves? I know I have.
How on earth do they not care what others think of them? Don’t they question their own ability to do a good job? I used to ask all of these questions until I realised the importance of Faking Confidence.
Faking Confidence is all about displaying behaviours that suggest you’re confident, even if you’re quaking in your boots deep down inside. My recent experience of addressing 80 electricians and giving them a directive that caused a very heated exchange reminded me of the importance of displaying confidence!
So, to give the impression that you’re confident here are some tips I’ve picked up through my experiences.
Body Language Speaks Louder Than Words – make sure you’re posture is one that exudes confidence, but is not intimidating. This means standing up tall, with a straight spine and shoulders back but relaxed. Hold your head high and eyes forward (never down at the ground). Feet should be shoulder width apart and slightly turned out. Hands can be hooked into your pockets, or failing that clasp them casually at your front (don’t cross your arms across your chest or fidget with your fingers). If you are in a meeting situation behind a table similar rules apply; lean forward, hands resting (or clasped together in a small steeple postiion if you fidget) in front of you on the table.
Be prepared – What’s that old saying, the best defense is a good offense? If you know that you are going to be in a situation that makes you nervous, get prepared. Think about what you want to say, who your audience will be, what potential questions they will ask you? Thinking about all of this beforehand and rehearsing it, either with someone else, or even in your own mind, will help to alleviate your jitters and improve your confidence.
Make eye-contact – In many cultures, making eye contact is a very positive thing. It means we are enjoying the engagement with whoever we are talking too and shows that we are confident about what we are saying. To avoid over-staring, try looking from one eye to the other. Failing that I sometimes look at their forehead (just above the eyes) if I’m really nervous. Remember, you want to maintain nice, even eye contact, without glancing around all over the place or conversely giving them the ol’ stare-down.
You are the voice – This is my favourite one as it is one of the biggest give-aways when someone is nervous. Keeping your voice calm and levelled can be difficult when you are nervous because your body systems have gone into overdrive. If you feel that your voice might be shaky have a glass of cool water by your side. I’ve heard lemon water is the best for settling your vocal chords.
Dress to Impress – No matter if you’re in your corporate gear in the city or in your PPE out on site, looking neat and presentable is always important. Feeling good about how you look will help build your confidence levels, so leave the ripped jeans at home (even if they are designer) and make sure you’re feeling good about what you’re wearing. If you’re in doubt on what to wear a trick I use is to look at what the managers above you are wearing and mimic their style.
The above five suggestions are the tricks I use to increase my confidence levels. However, there are plenty of other ways to boost your confidence so please feel free to share these in the comments section below.
Do you have an Ugly Boss?
Now I’m not talking about ugly in the looks department. I’m talking ugly in the leadership sense.
An Ugly Boss is one who does not use their position of power to proactively lead the organisation and their team to greater achievements. This person behaves in a way that undermines his team members and his organisations success. They could be nasty, brash, poor decision makers, bad communicators, the list goes on. There is no ‘one size fits all’ category when it comes to leaders, good or bad. However, by keeping in mind the common traits bad leaders tend to exhibit you can develop some techniques for effectively dealing with them to ensure they do not become a road block for your career.
Unconsciously Ugly vs. Consciously Ugly
All too often we are quick to cast blame on our boss when they do something upsetting or wrong. We expect that just because they are “the boss” they should know what to do, and know how to do it correctly. However, I’m going to let you in on a little secret… your boss is human and humans make mistakes. So it is important to keep in mind when you come across an Ugly Boss, the question about whether they are unconsciously or consciously ugly. By this I mean, do they realise the unhappiness they are causing, or are they completely blind to the fact (in other words, displaying signs of leadership incompetence).
Determining the category your Ugly Boss falls into will influence the way you interact with them. We will get to this shortly.
The different types of Ugly.
An ugly boss does not fall into one type of behaviour. In fact, the book Bad Leadership, written by Barbara Kellerman, Research Director of the Centre for Public Leadership, discusses 7 different types of bad leadership (based on hundreds of case studies of bad leaders):
- Incompetent
- Rigid
- Intemperate
- Callous
- Corrupt
- Insular
- Evil
This short list demonstrates the varying degrees and intentions between each of the 7 bad leadership behaviours. For instance, a person who is evil may have different motivators then someone who is incompetent. Understanding the motivators that drive your boss’s behaviour will enable you to respond to the situation to achieve a working relationship.
What can I do about an Ugly Boss?
Firstly, it is not your responsibility to change your boss’ behaviour. This can be difficult and risky if your boss feels threatened or manipulated by your behaviour. Nonetheless, you do have responsibility for your own wellbeing and ensuring you are doing all you can to have an effective working relationship.
Understanding limitations. You should not expect your boss to be the perfect leader just because they have been made into a manager. Your boss has limitations just like anybody else, including yourself. Beginning to understand this will help you approach the relationship from a different perspective. Try to identify ways in which you can help your boss to fill their skill gaps, but be careful about how you offer the support. An Ugly boss may take offence to your suggestions or offering of assistance. Try acknowledging their heavy workload first before offering another set of hands to help them get the task done. That way you are avoiding any suggestion of their inabilities and are keeping their ego intact.
What are their motivations? As discussed above, the 7 Bad Leadership traits are diverse. This means the reasons (or motivations) for their behaviour will also be varied. If you understand what motivates your Ugly Boss, (is it money, status, fear, etc.), you will be able to find ways to respond that will improve your bosses disposition towards you. Whilst, this does not mean you have to compromise your values, an understanding around their values will enable you to see their Ugly behaviour in another light.
The element of fear. If your boss has a lot of pressures on them, is new to the role, or carries a lot of self-doubt, they will be operating with an underlying emotion of fear. Many organisational environments operate with a high level of ego, competition and blame. Your boss will be feeling these pressures and may be taking them out on you by being demanding, critical, stubborn or needy. If this is the case, chances are they’re scared of failing or looking bad to their own boss.
Beware the Narcissist. Now I don’t want to get all psychological on you, but there is a certain personality type called narcissism which causes all sorts of behaviours, including those listed in the 7 Bad Leadership characteristics. A narcissist is someone who is self-promoting, will do anything to get to the top and has no issue manipulating others to get what they want. These people are tricky to work for as their moods can be up and down, overly demanding, arrogant and dismissive of those “beneath” them. This behavioural type is commonly found in workplace bullies. If you are dealing with a narcissistic boss, be careful. They have no concerns about upsetting you or working against you to ensure their agenda is achieved. Whilst it is important not to be aggressive or disrespectful, you should always remain confident and assertively firm about the types of behaviours you will tolerate from other people.
Check your own behaviours. Whilst the last four points have discussed understanding the Ugly Bosses behaviour, the most important thing you can do is to check your own. Increase your conscious awareness of your own behaviour toward your boss and start observing the impact it has on your boss’ response to you. For instance, do you talk fast and jump from one topic to another? Does your boss get lost and unable to follow the conversation? If so, slow down. Your boss might be thinking you’re scatter brained and unorganised and will start to put rigid expectations on you. Irrespective of who is right or wrong in the situation, you need to be aware of how your boss interprets your behaviour. It may call for an adjustment on both sides.
Working with an Ugly Boss can be difficult. It involves a lot of Managing Up on your behalf to ensure the relationship is workable. Whilst we don’t expect you to become the best of friends, it is important for yourself and your team that you find a way of managing your Ugly Boss that does not impact negatively on your work environment or cause you to undermine your personal values.
Question: Have you worked for an Ugly Boss? If so, how did you handle the situation? You can leave a comment below.
I drove past something very poignant today and wanted to share it with you. Whilst driving through the Sunshine Coast in Queensland, Australia, I saw this piece of graffiti hastily sprayed onto a welcome sign for the city of Kawana Waters. I was so affected by this act of vandalism that I took the next U-turn to go back and have a second look (and take this picture). Whilst I do not condone graffiti, it was not the vandalism of public property that concerned me. It was the sentiment of the statement…
“FUCK WAR”, with a symbol of peace drawn underneath.
It got me to wondering, who was this person who felt their pain and anger so strongly that they took deliberate action to share it with the commuters along the Sunshine Motorway? The appearance of graffiti anywhere in this region if rare, but one that is politically and ideologically based is like a needle in a haystack. Yet there it was, in plain view.
Whilst I don’t know who was responsible for this work, I immediately assumed it was a teenager. This assumption, it turns out, is backed by statistics collected by the Australian Institute of Criminology who’ve found that those who graffiti are usually aged between 12-25 years (with the most likely age being 15-16 years). So let’s assume it was a teenager – a member of Generation Y.
Could this be an indication of what our youth are feeling about our society and its direction? The negatives of Generation Y are well publicised and discussed (i.e. lazy, selfish, superficial, the list goes on), but the statement “FUCK WAR” begs to differ from these negative perceptions. This person cares, and they have had enough!
This generation of young people have grown up being told one thing by their politicians, celebrities, ministers and teachers and then witnessing them behave in completely opposite ways. Whilst this hypocrisy undoubtedly existed for previous generations, the difference now is that we can all see it.
The improvement in communication technology means we are all plugged in 24/7 to the latest current event, scandal or catastrophe – nothing goes unnoticed. It is because of this heightened input of information that Generation Y is beginning to develop (if not already) a cynical perspective on what they are told by those in power. This is a generation that does not easily swallow every pill it is given.
As our global society continues to experience increasing uncertainty around economic stability, climate change, resource availability and political unrest it is reassuring to see that Australian youth are taking notice and forming their opinions. If we are going to change the direction of the world it is this new Generation that needs to push for change. Governments, Councils and Organisations alike would do well to tap into this youthful energy if they want to stay relevant in our changing society. As we have seen overseas, oppression of views and opinions cannot last forever.
Whilst my heart goes out to the author of “FUCK WAR” for the emotions they must be feeling, I want to thank them – their simple statement reminded me that whilst they might be hurting and angry, theirs is still a Generation of hope.
PEACE.
Teagan Dowler is a proud member of Generation Y and Director of NxtGenNow, an Australian based Consulting agency dedicated to supporting the youth of Australia in becoming exceptional leaders of our community. To discover what else NxtGenNow is passionate about, please visit www.nxtgennow.com
We’ve all had those moments in life where things just aren’t going our way. Maybe its been the slow culmination of many small losses, or it could’ve been a blind side from left field that knocked you off you perch. Either way, when something bad happens to us it can really damage our “mojo”.
This effect, lets call it “de-mojo-nisation” can leave you feeling unmotivated and low in confidence. When this occurs the mind becomes sensitive to other negative events in your life. For example, you’re on your way to work and remember you left your phone at home. You jog back, grab your phone and start running back to the bus stop. You don’t feel too upset about this as you’ve done this before, you admit you are pretty forgetful. However, on the way back to the bus stop it starts to rain, soaking your clothes. You begin to curse, thinking if you hadn’t left your phone at home you wouldn’t have still been out on the street. You’re bad mood is starting to increase, and demojonisation is starting to take over. You get to the bus stop just in time to see the bus whizz past. I wonder what you would be thinking at this stage? Ready to high-five the taxi driver who you’ve now had to hail to get you to work? Probably not.
This bad mood is likely to follow you through the rest of the day, tainting your future interactions with negativity. You may continue to feel annoyed at yourself for being so forgetful (and now smelling like a wet dog all day), or angry at the bus driver who for once arrived on schedule. Irrespective of whichever perspective you take, you now feel well and truly dem-ojon-ated.
So what can you do about it?
I believe that whilst we may not always have the ability to control our environment, events or other people, we can control how we react to them. I like to call this - Conscious Choice.
Conscious choice is the ability to regulate what we think and how we behave. In relation to demojonisation it is important to regulate what we think by keeping our thoughts positive and strong. Now I can hear you challenging this advice, “I can’t help what I think” you might say, ”I’ve always thought this way”. This is a valid comment. Many of my clients have the same initial reaction at first. However, the wonderful and exciting news is that your brain can be changed, no matter your age!
Let me explain how changing your brain could change the types of thoughts you experience (in very rudimentary terms). Ok, so imagine for instance the brain is made up of many little pathways that all lead to a filing cabinet. When an event occurs your brain perceives this one event as multiple information sources. To make sense of all this information the brain categorises each input, directs it down a particular pathway and stores it in a particular filing cabinet. This efficient ”filing” system enables the brain to quickly (I’m talking less than 1 second) interpret, classify and store information.
Within the same moment your brain will also create an emotional response to the event that occurred. This efficiency is great if the emotional response is beneficial, but not so great if the emotional response is damaging. In this case, it is necessary for you to re-program your automatic brain response (i.e. your thoughts). Don’t worry, it’s not as scary as it sounds, there are no psychologists, electrodes or funny picture tests required. In fact, people are doing it all the time… in laymans terms its called practice. In pychology terms it’s called brain plasticity.
Take for example the first time you tried something new. Lets say, playing tennis. Do you think Roger Federer woke up one day, picked up a tennis racket and started winning tournaments? Of course not. He practised, and practised, and practised, and practised some more until hitting a killer shot became second nature to him. Through his practice overtime, his brain structures began to change and strengthen along the pathways required to hit a great shot. His filing cabinets began overflowing with information, interpretations and responses enabling him to play great tennis. The same occurs for our thoughts. If we make a conscious choice to think positively and believe in our abilities, even when times are getting tough we will strengthen our paths and filing cabinets responsible for positive thoughts. Over time the consciousness of your positive thinking will no longer need to be so “conscious”, they will become habitual.
By keeping up the positive self talk and affirmative thoughts our brains will be safe-guarded against demojonisation!
So go on, get out there and let nothing stand in your way, including yourself! Rock your mojo today!
Teagan Dowler is the eternal “positive thinker” and Director of NxtGenNow, an Australian based Consulting agency dedicated to supporting individuals and organisations to achieve exceptional performance. To find out more, please visit www.nxtgennow.com
When I tell people I work in HR their response can generally be categorised into one of the following:
a) “So you get to fire people right? That’d be great”
b) “You guys don’t really work do you, you just talk to people all day”
c) “Ahhh I see,…you’re the fun police”
d) A blank look
Unsurprisingly, these responses are pretty discouraging. People either have no idea what HR stands for, or at the very best have a pretty bleak view of what HR actually does. The most unfortunate part of this uncertainty is that this confusion also exists within the HR community. Many people employed under the HR banner do not understand the strategic and financial importance that their role plays in their Organisation. This fact seriously jeopardises our profession and makes it difficult to break the negative perceptions that often exist about the Human Resource department.
Over my years of working as a Human Resource Professional, I have come to identify 5 predominate myths that exist about my line of work.
Myth # 1 – If You’re “Nice” You Should Work in Human Resources.
Take for example the case of the Human Resource Department at one of Australia’s most prestigious hotels. From a team of 4 people (looking after 450 employees) only 1 was tertiary qualified in Human Resource Management. The rest of the team had been put together from inside the company from various departments (housekeeping, front office, etc). Now, I’m all for internal promotion, it is an excellent tool for talent management, career path progression and employee retention. The fact that none of these staff members had any prior HR experience is not the major issue here. What is more concerning is that they were chosen by management because they were, wait for it, “nice”.
This fallacy takes the top spot of my HR Myths because it is the most humorously absurd. There is substantially more required of a HR practitioner than being “nice” or “good with people”. Not only must they be confident in juggling many tasks at once, having difficult conversations and communicating with a diverse array of people, they should most importantly be aware of the strategic importance HR plays in the achievement of an organisations goals.
Myth # 2 – HR is Your Organisation’s “Miscellaneous” Draw.
Unfortunately it doesn’t appear the United States Hotel chains have figured out the function of their HR department any better than their colleagues here in Australia. On a recent, unsuccessful attempt to have a package delivered to The Hilton Hotel in California I was hand-balled between departments in an attempt to locate my delivery. After many long, international phone calls I was fed up with the Hilton’s (lack of) customer service and asked to be put through to their customer complaints department. Which, as it turns out is their Human Resources department.
This is a perfect example of my second HR fallacy – If you don’t know what to do with it send it to HR. Many organisations suffer from this “miscellaneous draw” condition which I believe stems from a HR department that does not have a well-positioned purpose in the organisation. A company’s HR team must demonstrate the value they provide to employees and managers to avoid being “hand-balled” all of the too-hard-basket issues.
Myth # 3 – HR is About Hugs and High-Fives.
I once worked for a company whose CEO had no understanding of the strategic value of his Human Resource department. Unbeknownst to him at the time, whether through ignorance (or something else) his HR team was run by one of Australia’s most effective HR leaders. Through innovative strategic initiatives that translated into positive change on the “shop foor” this HR Director changed the corporate culture in around 12 months. This phenomenal change resulted in such positive working conditions that the company was listed as one of the top 40 places to work in Australia. What is interesting to note is that not once did the CEO express interest in how this had been achieved, nor how it could be sustained to lead to increased profitability to his business. Instead the award was downplayed as some quaint achievement built on nothing more than smiling faces and a colourful lunchroom. What he neglected to see was the innumerable “difficult conversations” that took place to address poor performance, manage dissatisfied and angry employees, address claims of leadership bullying and on some occasions termination of employees. Achieving a positive culture took hundreds of hours “cleaning up” the organisation, none of which could be regarded as “fun”.
This myth that HR is all about fun times and feelings needs to be eradicated. Trust me, there is nothing soft and fluffy about firing someone, or packing up someone’s belongings as security escorts them off the company premises.
Myth # 4 – HR Always Spoils the Fun.
Ahh… this myth always makes me smile. It’s as if people think HR has been hired simply to stop employees having any fun at work and this could not be further from the truth. It has been well documented that happier people are more productive than their unhappier colleagues (check out the study by Andrew Oswald from Warwick Business School). It is in HR’s best interest to make sure employees are happy at work because not only does it mean less issues for them to resolve but the entire production level of the organisation wins as well. Therefore HR practitioners are encouraged to arrange “fun” activities for employees. From my experience they help employees to build closer relationships with others at work, alleviate feelings of workplace stress and isolation and provide an avenue for employees to network with those outside of their direct work team. However, there is a flip side to this recommendation that must be headed. HR must always remember that their organisaton’s policies and procedures (including governmental legislation) still apply at all company events, even if held off-site.
Myth # 5 – HR Only Costs Money, it Doesn’t Create It.
Whilst not ranked at the top of my list, Myth 5 is potentially the most serious for the future of the HR profession. In my very first role in HR, my manager put me in charge of calculating the HR metrics. Whilst inciting much hair pulling on my behalf (stats are not my favourite thing in the world) it instilled in me the conviction of how important they are to a Human Resource Department. For the most case HR deals will intangible products and events. We are not responsible for creating widgets, or for digging a certain amount of tonnage out of the ground. Instead we are responsible for ensuring the people who do produce these things are motivated, performing at a high level and are not about to quit their job. So how on earth do you measure this and therefore, how do you demonstrate that HR is saving the business money, not costing it? There are many different metrics that can be used to demonstrate this and if you are not currently using at least some of them I would suggest you begin too immediately.
This is a dangerous Myth that can affect not only a company’s HR team, but the entire Human Resource profession. It is the responsibility of all HR practitioners to begin reporting on their HR specifics to demonstrate the fiscal value of their role, and debunk Myth #5.
Through the collective effort of all HR professionals we must work together to eradicate these prevailing myths. By becoming aware of the perceptions of our department in our own organisations we can implement immediate and relatively easy measures to ensure we are providing strong financial and humanistic returns to our company. Not only will this greatly improve the working conditions of our employees, but ensure the Human Resource profession stays relevant to the future of organisations.
Teagan Dowler is a Director of NxtGenNow, an Australian based Consulting agency dedicated to supporting individuals and organisations to achieve exceptional performance. To find out more, please visit www.nxtgennow.com
